Po Tree

The Silent Seductress

I saw her across a crowded floor

Something twanged inside

Her poise, her lines... her shine

Now she made me want to glide!

I had to have her

It was irrational

I love her

Oh God!

Think of Michael Fish in a bikini

Or Cherie Blair pole dancing

I know she won't see me blushing

But I really must stop staring

I had to have her

It was irrational

I love her

Will my wife have to know?

I looked at her sideways, all cool like

I could see all the others there

Not a patch on her though

I wanted her, for the others I couldn't care

I had to have her

It was irrational

I love her

Must resist, must resist, must resist...

I could feel my skin getting hotter

I was perspiring and feeling flushed

Slowly edging closer and closer

This was something never to be rushed

I had to have her

It was Irrational

I love her

Just don't look at her I thought

I looked, she was radiant, shiny, clean oily sheen

My tall, wonderful two wheeled seductress

"Will that be cash or cheque, Sir?"

Any remaining resistance was useless.

The Ages of Bike

From 0-1000 Miles, she is pure, clean, unsullied

You wipe her down, you clean her intimately

Lubricate, caress, grease gently, polish

Check tyres, the chain, the oil

You will love her forever

From 1000-6000 Miles, she loosens up

You know her whims, her funny ways

She opens up quite readily along the motorways

She's fast, she's responsive, she's great!

You love her more than ever

From 6000-12000 Miles, she's loose.

Some bits are looser than others in fact

On the whole she does the job, she's far from being whacked

The paint is scratched and she dribbles a bit

But you still love her for what she's done

From 12000-24000 Miles, she's very loose

Very loose, she drinks a lot and fails to go sometimes

She smokes a bit and makes funny noises.

That knocking sounds quite bad

That Italian up the road looks hot!

From 24000-36000 Miles, she's obviously had her best

It's funny how that cargo net looks just like a string vest

She rattles, quivers and sometimes just stops dead

30 minutes off her her I still hear her in my head

Had a ride on a Honda the other day. Feel guilty.

From 36000-48000 Miles, I don't use her much these days

I met an 8000 Miler, all red and shiny

all HID headlights and aftermarket cans

Carbon Fibre risers, steering damper and Ohlins all round

No contest really.

Countersteer

The theory is you push right to turn right

It's the two wheeled method of turning

Are you beginning to see the light?

Push the left side of the handlebar forward

And the bike tips in to the left

Go on and give it a try and don't be a coward.

You said push right to turn right?

Yes I did

Then I haven't seen the light.

I leant over and while going quite fast

I pushed forward jerkily to the right

It twitched and bucked and wobbled and I ended up on my arse